The unknown giants of psychology - Adler

Adler's Teleology: Don't dwell on the "cause", focus on the current "purpose"

Trauma does not exist: it is not our past experiences that define us, but the meaning we attach to them

Anger is all fabricated: This person says that anger is actually a means of letting go and letting go.

Freud was wrong

Socrates and Adler: You should find out the answer yourself

Do you want to "become someone else": We must learn to accept ourselves and how to use what we are given

Since your misfortune is your own "choice": what we need is not replacement but renewal.

People are often determined not to change: the reluctance to change may be because we lack the courage to face the unknown.

Your life depends on the present moment: if you have an idea, do it. If you live in "what if" assumptions, you won't be able to change it at all. As long as you do it, it will change.

Why you hate yourself: Adler believes that the reason why people have low self-esteem is because they want to find reasons for failure and escape in their low self-esteem.

All worries are worries about the human-computer relationship: to experience loneliness you also need the presence of other people. As long as there is someone somewhere, loneliness will strike.

The feeling of inferiority comes from subjective fabrication: self-value judgment, you need to learn to convert values. If you cannot change objective facts, you have to learn to change subjective interpretations.

An inferiority complex is just an excuse: an inferiority complex is not the same as an inferiority complex. The inferiority complex blames all failure on external factors; the inferiority complex is the force that promotes one's own progress.

The more conceited a person is, the inferior he or she is: superiority complex. If you truly have self-confidence, you will not be arrogant. If you use your misfortune as a weapon to stay "special," you will always need misfortune.

Life is not a competition with others: the pursuit of superiority is not about competing with others, but about continuous improvement. A healthy sense of inferiority comes from comparing yourself to your "ideal self."

The only one who cares about your appearance is you:

"Power struggle" and revenge in interpersonal relationships: Adler believes that if you are angered, then you will play the other person's game and allow him to achieve a certain purpose.

Admitting a mistake does not mean you have failed: I agree with this statement, but not because of the failure theory, but because a mistake is a mistake, and admitting a mistake is not a bad thing.

One of the three major topics in life, work topic: Work topic is the lowest threshold. Working relationships have the common goal of "results", which is actually simpler.

Romantic red thread and strong iron chain friendship theme, love theme: ① Pursue self-change, you cannot wait for others or the situation to change, you must take the first step yourself. ②The theme of love should consider the distance and depth of the relationship. True love neither feels inferior nor shows off superiority, and can maintain a calm and natural state.

"Life lies" teach us to learn to escape: Adler called the situation of trying to create various excuses to avoid life issues "life lies"

The Psychology of Courage: Adler advocated "use psychology" and it is oneself who plays the decisive role

Freedom is no longer seeking approval: the denial of seeking approval from others. Although it is difficult to do it, I agree with this sentence. If you don’t seek approval from others, then you will have a lot less ideological constraints when doing things.

Do you want to live in the expectations of others? : We don’t have to meet other people’s expectations. I understand this, but it’s still hard to do. I think most people know that they do not live to meet other people's expectations, but in real life, the truth is the truth, but it is not the case in practice.

Separate your own "life issues" from those of others. Find out whose “life issue” it is and don’t interfere with other people’s issues. I think this is also false and empty nonsense. For example, regarding children’s academic issues, academic studies are indeed a child’s life issue, and children are the ultimate bearers of this issue. However, it is the parent’s job to educate children and promote a good life for them. The two subjects are inseparable. If parents want to complete their own life subjects, they will inevitably interfere with their children's life subjects. Does this violate the principle of "non-interference in other people's subjects"?

Even parents have to let go of their children’s issues: only close-knit family members need to consciously separate issues.

Let go of other people's problems and let your worries fly away: face your own life honestly and handle your own problems correctly

Cutting the "Gerdios Knot": Alexander the Great used a sword to cut the knot that others could not untie, solved the problem with unconventional thinking, and won the throne of Asia. Don’t be bound by thoughts of giving back.

The pursuit of recognition kills freedom

To be free is to be disliked by others: true freedom is an attitude that pushes oneself up from below. Don't care about other people's evaluations, don't be afraid of being disliked by others, don't pursue being recognized by others, if you don't pay these prices, you won't be able to implement your own way of life.

The trump card in interpersonal relationships is in your own hands: We should make it clear that the purpose of making changes is to change ourselves, and grasp our own issues. Whether the other party changes or not is the other person's issue, and do not interfere with other people's issues.

Too much self-awareness will constrain oneself: consider the order of relationships, me-me and you-community

It’s not self-affirmation, but self-acceptance: When self-affirmation, even though you can’t do it, you still hint to yourself that “I can do it” or “I’m strong”. It can also be said that it is an idea that can easily lead to a superiority complex, and it is lying to yourself. lifestyle. Self-acceptance means honestly accepting that "you can't do it" if you can't do it, and then try your best to work in the direction of what you can do without lying to yourself.

What is the difference between credit and trust: Credit is trusting others on a conditional basis; trust is trusting others without conditions.

The essence of work is contribution to others:

Young people also have advantages over their elders:

"Workaholic" is a lie in life: live a harmonious life and focus on what makes you happy. Don't focus on one insignificant aspect and try to judge the entire world based on it.

From this moment on, you can become happy:

There are two paths before those who pursue ideals: hoping to be extremely good, and hoping to be extremely bad.

The courage to be ordinary

Life is a series of moments

Dance your life: Live in the here and now.

The most important thing is this moment

Confrontation with "The Biggest Lie in Life": "What you really want to do is to do it when the time comes." This is a way of life that delays life. As long as we procrastinate in life, we will make no progress and live a boring and monotonous life every day. Because in this case, people will think that "this moment" is just a stage of preparation and patience.

The meaning of life is up to you: there is no universal meaning of life. The meaning of life is given by yourself.

Individual psychology and holism: The way of life that considers people as indivisible existences and as "whole me" is called "holism". The state of all colors being mixed together is called "entanglement" and not connection.

The ultimate goal of interpersonal relationships: a sense of community, that is, happy interpersonal relationships. The starting point of a sense of community: turning attachment to oneself into concern for others.

“Desperately seeking approval” is self-centered

You are not the center of the world, but the center of the world map: Just like a flat map, Chinese maps generally put China in the center of the map, and French maps generally put France in the center of the map, but if it is on a globe See, depending on the location or angle, every country can be on the center. We are just part of the world. A sense of belonging must be obtained through active participation in the community. This requires us to face "life issues" head-on, no matter how difficult it is to make friends, work and other interpersonal relationships, and face them proactively. Think “What can I give this person?”

Find your place in the wider world: If a relationship can collapse because of your opposition, then there is no need to enter into such a relationship from the beginning.

Criticism is not good, and praise is not good: Whether it is criticism or praise, it shows that the vertical relationship between the two parties is divided into superiors and subordinates. A healthy relationship is a horizontal relationship, where both parties are different but equal. Expressions like "thank you".

Encouragement leads to courage: Encouragement in horizontal relationships is a method of assistance, helping the other person build confidence that "they can learn" and improve their ability to deal with issues independently. Establish an equal horizontal relationship while accepting the differences between both parties.

Courage comes from being valuable: People can only gain courage when they can feel that they are valuable.

As long as it exists, it has value: start from zero, do addition operations, don't do subtraction operations, don't deduct points according to the ideal image, be grateful and happy for the other person's existence.

No matter where you are, you can have a relationship of equality: equality and standing up for what you deserve.