Adler - individual psychology

No experience in itself is the cause of success or failure. We do not suffer because of the stimulation of our own experiences—the so-called psychological wounds. In fact, we discover factors in our experiences that suit our own purposes. It is not our past experiences that define us, but the meaning we give to our experiences.

This is not to say that events such as encountering a major disaster or being abused in childhood have no impact on personality formation. On the contrary, the impact will be great, but the key point is that the experience itself will not determine anything. The meaning we attach to past experiences directly determines our lives. Life is not given by others, but you choose how to live it.

Anger is just a way to solve problems

No matter what happened in the past, your current state depends on the meaning you attach to existing events.

If the past determines everything and cannot be changed, then we living today will be helpless about life. Then you may fall into nihilism or pessimism, despairing of the world and being disgusted with life. Freudian cause theory, represented by the theory of trauma, is determinism in disguise and is the entrance to nihilism.

People are not influenced by past reasons, but move towards their own goals.

The answer should be found by oneself. Answers obtained from others are only symptomatic treatments and have little value.

"The important thing is not what is given, but how to use what is given." The reason why you want to become Y or someone else is because you only focus on "what is given." In fact, you shouldn't do this. Instead, you should focus on "how to use what you are given."

Accept your current imperfect self

Human actions are all "good", not in the moral sense, but in the sense of "self-interest."

Lifestyle is the result of one's own active choice

The reason why you are unlucky is not because of the past or the environment, nor because of lack of ability. It is just a lack of "courage", which can be said to be a lack of "courage to obtain happiness."

If you want to change your view of the world or yourself (lifestyle), you must change the way you communicate with the world, or even change your own behavior. Please don't forget what exactly "must change". You are still "you", you just have to make new lifestyle choices.

Mental trauma does not exist and has nothing to do with the environment. Everything is wrong. Your misfortunes are all due to your own fault.

Adler's teleology means that "no matter what happened in your previous life, it has no impact on how you spend your future life." What determines your life is yourself living in "this moment".

Accept yourself as you are now, no matter what the outcome is, first build up the courage to move forward. Adlerian psychology calls this "encouragement."

It’s simply impossible not to get hurt in a relationship. As long as you are involved in interpersonal relationships, you will be hurt, big or small, and you will hurt others.

To eliminate worries, only one person survives in the universe.

You hate yourself because you are too afraid of relationships. You are avoiding relationships through self-loathing.

Inferiority is a term related to self-worth judgment.

The inferiority complex that troubles us is not an "objective fact" but a "subjective explanation"

Neither the pursuit of superiority nor the feeling of inferiority is pathological, but rather a stimulus that promotes healthy, normal effort and growth. When handled properly, feelings of inferiority can also be a catalyst for effort and growth.

We should abandon our sense of inferiority, move forward, not be satisfied with the status quo, keep making progress, and be happier.

Inferiority complex refers to the state of using one's own inferiority complex as some kind of excuse. Specifically, it’s like a theory like “Because there is A, we can’t do B.”

"Don't want to succeed" - Afraid of moving forward or not wanting to make real efforts, unwilling to sacrifice the fun you currently enjoy - such as fun or leisure time - in order to change yourself. That is to say, they cannot find the courage to change their lifestyle. Even if they are dissatisfied or not free, they still prefer to maintain the status quo.

No one can endure a feeling of inferiority for a long time

Having an inferiority complex is a state of feeling that there is something lacking in the current self.

superiority complex

The so-called "pursuit of superiority" means that you are constantly moving forward, rather than being superior to others.

A healthy sense of inferiority does not come from comparing with others, but from comparing with the "ideal self."

Everyone is different, but they are equal.

If there is "competition" in interpersonal relationships, it is impossible for people to get rid of the troubles caused by interpersonal relationships, and it is impossible to get rid of misfortune.

Everyone is my partner

Anger expressed out of private anger is nothing more than a tool to bring others into submission.

Irritable people do not have an impatient temper, but rather do not understand effective communication tools other than anger. That's why I say things like "I have to get angry". This is actually communicating through anger.

We have language and can communicate through language; we must believe in the power of language and logical language.

No matter how right you think you are, don't use it as a reason to blame the other person. This is an interpersonal trap that many people easily fall into.

Once people are convinced that "I am right" in interpersonal relationships, they have entered into a power struggle.

Behavioral aspects

psychological aspect

Only when people can feel that "you can be unrestrained with this person" can you experience love. There is no need to show off inferiority or superiority, and one can maintain a calm and natural state. Real love should be like this.

No matter how difficult a relationship is, you cannot choose to escape, you must face it bravely.

Deny the approval of others.

There is no need to be recognized, and there is no need to seek recognition.

People don't live to meet other people's expectations. We don't have to meet other people's expectations.

If you hope too much to be recognized by others, you will live according to other people's expectations. That means giving up your true self and living in someone else’s life.

Basically, all interpersonal conflicts arise from interference in other people's issues or interference in one's own issues. Whenever separation of classes is possible, relationships change dramatically.

After receiving psychological counseling services, what determination the counselee makes and whether to change his lifestyle are all matters of the counselee himself, and the counselor cannot interfere.

The only one who can change yourself is yourself.

Even their own children do not live to meet their parents’ expectations.

Trusting others is only your own task. How others treat your trust is a matter for others. If you do not distinguish the boundaries but impose your own wishes on others, it becomes "rude interference."

Interfering or even taking on other people's problems will make your own life heavy and painful.

All you can do about your life is "choose the path you think is best." On the other hand, how others evaluate your choice is their business and you have no control over it.

Destiny is not determined by legends but by my own sword. I don't need the power of legends but rely on my own sword to create my destiny.

Course separation is not the end goal of relationships, but the gateway.

Living to meet the expectations of others and entrusting your life to others is a way of life that lies to yourself and to those around you.

Not wanting to be disliked by others is a very natural desire and impulse for people.

True freedom is an attitude that pushes you up from below.

The lifestyle of trying to please everyone is an extremely unfree lifestyle, and it is also impossible to achieve.

In relationships, the price of freedom is being disliked by others.

Not being afraid of being disliked but moving forward courageously, not following the crowd but forging ahead bravely, this is the freedom for people.

Although I don’t want to be hated by others, it’s okay to be hated by others.

The card of interpersonal relationships is always in your own hands.

It is a very wrong idea to use changing yourself as a means of manipulating others.

We are not governed by separate entities of emotion, but by a unified whole.

sense of community

Turn your obsession with yourself into concern for others.

what can i give others

When we encounter difficulties in interpersonal relationships or cannot see an exit, the first thing we should consider is the principle of "listening to the voice of the greater community."

It is necessary to have a sense of community but also to have freedom of choice.

No criticism or praise.

Praise is an evaluation made by a capable person to an incompetent person

Begin with curriculum separation and then establish an equal horizontal relationship while accepting the differences of both parties.

People can only gain courage when they can feel that they are worthy.

I can contribute to others.

There is no need to enter into a contract, it doesn’t matter if you give it up on your own initiative. Living in fear of relationship breakdown is an unfree way of living for others.

There is no need to stick to the small community in front of you

Please do not look at others by the standard of "behavior" but by the standard of "existence". Don't judge others by "what they have done", but express joy and gratitude for their existence itself.

Conscious equality and insisting on one's own opinions

Too much self-awareness does not allow me to move freely.

If you can't do it, honestly accept this "you can't do it", and then try your best to work in the direction of what you can do without lying to yourself.

trust in others

Trust others unconditionally, without any strings attached

Contribution is to realize your own value

Just move forward freely without fear of being annoying.

You're still young, and the sooner you learn, the sooner you'll be able to change.

For people, the greatest misfortune is not liking themselves

Happiness is a sense of contribution

Pursue special badness

The courage to be ordinary

We can only live in this moment, our life only exists in a moment.

The most important thing is "at this moment"

Exams are in the future, but learning is in the present

There is no universal meaning of life

The meaning of life is given by oneself

If I change, the world will change. No one but me will change the world for me