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The courage to be hated
The form of the original dialogue collection is not very clear in structure, so I compiled a mind map and added more cases to facilitate the clarification of ideas.
Edited at 2023-05-25 17:09:37- One Hundred Years of Solitude Character Relationship Chart
One Hundred Years of Solitude is the masterpiece of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Reading this book begins with making sense of the characters' relationships, which are centered on the Buendía family and tells the story of the family's prosperity and decline, internal relationships and political struggles, self-mixing and rebirth over the course of a hundred years.
- One Hundred Years of Solitude Character Relationship Chart
One Hundred Years of Solitude is the masterpiece of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Reading this book begins with making sense of the characters' relationships, which are centered on the Buendía family and tells the story of the family's prosperity and decline, internal relationships and political struggles, self-mixing and rebirth over the course of a hundred years.
- Project Management Process Template
Project management is the process of applying specialized knowledge, skills, tools, and methods to project activities so that the project can achieve or exceed the set needs and expectations within the constraints of limited resources. This diagram provides a comprehensive overview of the 8 components of the project management process and can be used as a generic template for direct application.
The courage to be hated
- One Hundred Years of Solitude Character Relationship Chart
One Hundred Years of Solitude is the masterpiece of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Reading this book begins with making sense of the characters' relationships, which are centered on the Buendía family and tells the story of the family's prosperity and decline, internal relationships and political struggles, self-mixing and rebirth over the course of a hundred years.
- One Hundred Years of Solitude Character Relationship Chart
One Hundred Years of Solitude is the masterpiece of Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Reading this book begins with making sense of the characters' relationships, which are centered on the Buendía family and tells the story of the family's prosperity and decline, internal relationships and political struggles, self-mixing and rebirth over the course of a hundred years.
- Project Management Process Template
Project management is the process of applying specialized knowledge, skills, tools, and methods to project activities so that the project can achieve or exceed the set needs and expectations within the constraints of limited resources. This diagram provides a comprehensive overview of the 8 components of the project management process and can be used as a generic template for direct application.
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- Outline
Adler individual psychology
The world is so simple?
People live in the subjective world
and cannot escape the subjective influence
And the world is like well water at 18℃
It exists objectively
The problem is not what the objective world is like, but how you see the world.
We must have the courage to take off the glasses of competition and face the world squarely.
life goals
psychological goals
I am capable
Everyone is my partner
behavioral goals
self-reliance
Live in harmony with society
It takes “time equivalent to half your own age”
Teleological
Psychological trauma does not exist
Life is your choice
Experience itself does not determine anything
Objective world
People will discover factors that suit their purpose from experience
subjective interpretation
"What meaning is given to past experiences" directly determines the way of life
Children who have been abused by their parents
Some will go astray, skip school, and even engage in self-harm behaviors such as cutting their wrists.
Reason theory: Because parents use such methods to educate, children become like this
Teleology: revenge on parents
child's prank
Purpose
Stop before the adults get really angry.
To attract adults' attention
Children still don’t stop when adults are really angry
"struggle" itself
Want to prove your strength by winning
Discuss politics with friends and get character attacks from the other person
the other party’s purpose
I want to make you, who doesn't like you, surrender through a power struggle.
Hate A
A has intolerable shortcomings
First there is the purpose of "to hate A"
In order to escape the interpersonal relationship with A
I do not want to go to work
Hate the job itself
The core issue is interpersonal relationships
I hate being criticized and blamed by others for my work.
Hates being labeled as incompetent as "you are incompetent" or "you are not suitable for this job"
I hate that the dignity of the irreplaceable "I" is hurt.
Follow your boss's instructions. If you fail, it will be your boss's responsibility.
You have room to say no and suggest a better way
In order to avoid interpersonal conflicts and responsibilities
passively subordinate to a vertical relationship
life lies
We choose our own lifestyle and we should bear our own responsibilities
The biggest lie in life
Don’t live in the “here and now”
Why do you want to be someone else?
I am not happy now
No one wants to do evil
人心向“善”（利己）
“不幸”对你而言是一种“善”
Your misfortunes are all “chosen” by yourself
The initial choice may have been an unconscious act
Greatly affected by external factors
around 10 years old
Now you can choose again
Update, not replace
don't love myself
inferiority complex
Accept yourself
Making excuses for not making changes
lifestyle
广义
世界观和人生观
狭义
性格
是自己主动选择的结果
Unchanged (dissatisfied) > Changed (uneasy)
lack of courage
should do it
Your life depends on "now"
sense of self worth
Value must be based on social significance
diamond
1 dollar bill
inferiority complex
A “feeling” of less self-worth
subjective judgment
why do you hate yourself
low self-esteem
reason
Determined to "not like myself" (so I only look at my shortcomings)
implicit purpose
Avoid getting hurt in relationships
It's impossible not to get hurt in relationships
Height 155
Objective fact
What value is given to it?
Disadvantages: short, not mighty
Objective "inferiority"
Subjective "feeling of inferiority"
Advantages: Makes you feel relaxed
Everyone has an inferiority complex
A healthy sense of inferiority/pursuit of superiority
a stimulus that promotes health, normal effort, and growth
But no one can endure the feeling of inferiority for a long time
Have courage
Make up for the deficiencies through hard work and growth
study hard
practice diligently
work hard
No courage to change
Unable to accept "incompetent self"
We can only use simpler methods to compensate
Steeped in a false sense of superiority
inferiority complex
superiority complex
权势张扬
把“我”和权势相结合，显得“我”很优秀
虚报履历
过度追逐名牌
自负
骄傲于自我功绩的人
沉迷于过去的荣光整天只谈自己曾经的辉煌业绩的人
夸耀不幸
暴露出自己的自卑感以当作武器来使用
借助不幸来显示自己“特别”，压住别人
The state of using inferiority complex as an excuse
external causation
I can't get married because my parents divorced when I was young.
Afraid of moving forward and not wanting to really work hard
Unwilling to sacrifice current enjoyment in order to change oneself
valuable
"I am useful to the community"
accept yourself
Facing life issues head on
courage
Life is not a competition with others
A healthy sense of inferiority/pursuit of superiority
from comparison with others
Don't compete with anyone
From comparison with “ideal self”
Continuously surpass ourselves
competitive relationship
everyone is an enemy
Will fool, ridicule, attack or even frame yourself at any time
Never take it lightly
The world is a scary place
Seeing other people's happiness as "my failure"
Unable to sincerely wish others happiness
Do others really care about you?
The only one who cares about your appearance is yourself
excessive self-awareness
"Everyone is my partner"
in interpersonal relationships "Power Struggle" and Revenge
Public outrage and private outrage are not of the same category
public outrage
beyond self-interest
dissatisfaction with society
anger about politics
private anger
Anger is to make others surrender
Purpose
Quickly shock others into submission
means
get angry
Mom answers the phone
Being yelled at for no reason?
Consider the other party’s purpose
Provoking a "power struggle"
control anger
Believe in the power of logical language
if you are angry
The other party will "retaliate"
Once a relationship develops into the revenge stage, it is almost impossible to reconcile the parties involved.
No reaction to the other person’s behavior
Whether the claim is right or wrong has nothing to do with victory or defeat.
No matter how right you think you are, don't use it as a reason to blame the other person
Firmly believe "I am right" = insist "the other party is wrong"
Already entered into a power struggle
So "I must win" (win or lose battle)
Trying to get the other person to submit
Think "admitting one's mistakes" = "admitting failure"
don't want to fail
Unwilling to admit one's mistakes
choose the wrong path
Admit mistakes, apologize, and withdraw from the power struggle
Doesn't mean you failed
If you think you're right, it shouldn't matter what the other person's opinion is.
different but equal
vertical relationship
standards of conduct
从理想的形象中一点点扣分
reward and punishment education
put one's oar in
language of evaluation
Able (top) → incapable (bottom)
The purpose is to manipulate
horizontal relationship
There are standards
对其存在本身表示喜悦和感谢
separation of subjects
assistance (encouragement)
Help build confidence
Improve their ability to deal with tasks independently
sincere language
Express without hesitation without looking forward or backward
joy
I am very happy
grateful
Thanks
It helped a lot
Respect
life lessons
Three major bonds
Friendship topics
Work topic
All work requires collaboration with others
The threshold for interpersonal relationships at work is the lowest
Because there is a common goal that is simple and easy to understand - results
We can cooperate even if we don't like each other
The subject of love
love relationship
romantic red thread
If you want to live harmoniously together, you must treat each other as equals
There is no need to feel inferior or show off superiority, and can maintain a calm and natural state
"You can feel free to be with this person"
Bondage is the expression of wanting to dominate the other person, and it is also an idea based on distrust.
Parent-child relationship
strong chain
separation of subjects
"Gerdios Knot"
The intricate "fetters" in interpersonal relationships can no longer be untied by ordinary methods, and must be severed by new means.
How to build good interpersonal relationships?
The separation of subjects is the entrance to interpersonal relationships
keep an appropriate distance
Stretch out your hand and reach out, but don’t step into the other person’s territory
"reward" thinking
No matter what the other party does, you should be the one who decides what you should do
children don't study
separation of subjects
laissez-faire
reward and punishment education
Learning is a subject for children
Tell your child that this is his or her own project
Don’t point fingers at your children when they don’t ask you for help.
Parents should be ready to help him when he wants to study
Stay behind closed doors
Decide that "this is a child's issue"
Don’t interfere or pay too much attention
Tell your child that I am always ready to help him when he is confused
psychological counseling
Counselors should do their best to assist, but they must not interfere.
Take the horse to water but do not force it to drink
Parents object to your work
Overcoming "disapproval" is a task for parents
Choose the path you think is best
trust
How to treat your trust is the subject of the other party
Trust others, this is your task
Unreasonable boss
Being unreasonable is a problem for your boss
my topic
Purpose
Unwillingness to accept an incompetent self creates an incompetent boss
The excuse of “not doing a good job”
There is no need to please, nor to compromise.
Sometimes it's easier not to separate projects (interfere with other people's projects)
The child cannot tie his shoelaces
For a busy mother, it is faster to tie the child directly than to wait for the child to tie it himself.
However, this kind of behavior is a kind of interference and deprives children of their subjects.
Moreover, the result of repeated interference will be that the child will learn nothing and eventually lose the courage to face life's issues.
“Children who don’t learn to face difficulties head on will eventually want to avoid all difficulties.”
"Whose issue is this?"
What are other people’s subjects?
Don’t interfere in other people’s issues
What are your own topics?
Don’t let others interfere with your own issues
sense of community
sense of belonging
积极参与共同体
直面人生课题
工作
交友
爱
还有更大的共同体
self-acceptance
self-affirmation
Obviously I can't do it, but I still hint to myself and say "I can do it"
Easily lead to superiority complex
self-acceptance
If you can’t do it, honestly accept “what you can’t do”
Try your best to do what you can
Wisdom discernment
"Niebuhr's Prayer"
unchangeable
what was given
Accept calmly
past and future
can be changed
How to make use of what is given
Brave to change
at this moment
I am capable
self-reliance
trust in others
Credit
With additional conditions
trust
believe unconditionally
A "means" to build horizontal relationships
Only suitable for people who want to build deep relationships
If it’s not worth it, you can cut it off on your own initiative.
Contributions from others
guiding star
self sacrifice
"A person who is overly adapted to society"
Influence and contribute to others as partners
Realize the value of "I"
Work
like myself
Everyone is a partner
Live in harmony with society
What is happiness?
based on freedom
What is freedom?
desire for recognition
egocentric
You “don’t live to meet other people’s expectations.”
Others “don’t live to meet your expectations.”
No more seeking approval
The greatest misfortune is not liking yourself
Happiness is a sense of contribution
The subjective feeling of “I am useful to others”
what is life
A "line" ("death" is the end point)
potential life
Most of my life is spent “on the road”
The journey to the destination is incomplete
"At this moment" is just the preparation stage and the patience stage
"Just do it when the time comes" is a way of procrastinating your life
Climb to the top
Continuation of "points"
realistic life
Life is a continuation of the moment "now"
Life only exists in a moment
We can only live in "this moment"
There is no past or future
Exist today for “what you can do today”
See the process itself as the result
Climbing itself, traveling, dancing
life plan
Totally impossible
Living in the moment
Don't make life too profound
Live the "here and now" carefully and carefully
Every moment is a kind of completion
Youth characteristics
lack of confidence
strong sense of inferiority
Origin, education, appearance
pessimistic
Often trapped in self-loathing
Care too much about other people’s opinions
Live with suspicion of others
Unable to sincerely bless others
Not good at interacting with people
unnatural
It always feels like I'm acting
Raised by strict parents
I have been compared with my brother since I was a child.
receive unfair treatment
I can't make friends at school either
I've been bored in the library
Philosopher's Thoughts
The world is extremely simple
people can change
Everyone can achieve happiness