Freud, Adler, Jung

A person's subconscious mind may not want to do something and create symptoms, and then in turn be troubled by the symptoms and be unable to do something.

"Any experience itself is not the cause of success or failure. We are not suffering because of the stimulation in our own experience - the so-called psychological trauma. In fact, we will find factors that suit our own purposes from the experience. It is not what determines who we are. past experiences, but the meaning we attribute to our experiences.”

Anger is a fabricated method to frighten the other party and make the other party listen carefully to your words. The purpose is to make the other party who does not resist surrender in a faster way. Anger is a means to an end

People can not be controlled by emotions, nor can they be controlled by the past!

The first step to change is to understand

Accept yourself as you are

Ignore reality. Will the reality change if we just stick to "what we have been given"? We are not replaceable machinery. What we need is not replacement but renewal.

The future is difficult to predict, and life will be full of uneasiness. There may also be a more painful and unfortunate life waiting for you. In other words, even though people have various dissatisfactions, they still find it easier and more reassuring to maintain the status quo.

When you want to do something but can't do it for various reasons, as time goes by, you will have a steady stream of excuses.

What do you hate about yourself? Why do we only focus on our shortcomings and refuse to like ourselves? That's because you're too afraid of being disliked by others and afraid of being hurt in relationships.

I think it would be better not to have anything to do with anyone in the first place than to get into that predicament. That is, your "purpose" is to "avoid getting hurt in your relationships with others."

If you are rejected by others, you can use this as a reason to comfort yourself. I will think in my heart: I am rejected because of this shortcoming. As long as I don’t have this shortcoming, I will be very lovable.

Lonely

Inferiority: Inferiority means the "feeling" of having less value. In other words, the sense of inferiority is a word about self-worth judgment. So I feel that I have no value, or very little value.

But in fact, real value must be based on social significance

Human beings live in this world as a powerless existence. Moreover, people want to get rid of this powerless state, and then they have universal desires. Adler called it "the pursuit of superiority."

Corresponding to this is a sense of inferiority. People are all in a "state of hoping for progress" in the pursuit of superiority, establishing certain ideals or goals and working hard to achieve them. At the same time, you will have a sense of inferiority about yourself who cannot achieve your ideals.

The difference between inferiority complex and inferiority complex

Superior plot: Although he suffers from a strong sense of inferiority, he does not have the courage to make changes through sound means such as hard work or growth. Even so, I can't stand the inferiority complex of "I can't do B because I have A", and I can't accept my "incompetent self". As a result, people will want to use easier methods to compensate.

If you truly have self-confidence, you won't be arrogant. It is precisely because of a strong sense of inferiority that one becomes arrogant, which is actually a deliberate attempt to show off that one is excellent.

A healthy sense of inferiority comes not from comparison with others, but from comparison with the "ideal self."

We are not trying to compete with anyone as we move forward. The value lies in constantly surpassing oneself.

No one is watching you 24 hours a day. The only one who cares about your face is you.

"I cannot sincerely bless others who are living a happy life" because I consider interpersonal relationships from a competitive perspective and see other people's happiness as "my failure", so I am unable to give blessings.

Personal anger (private outrage) and anger at social contradictions or injustices (public outrage) are not of the same category. Public outrage outweighs self-interest.

The difference between children's attention-grabbing and fighting rights, and revenge behaviors such as suicide and truancy

In the face of provocation, it's not that you can't get angry, but "there's no need to rely on anger as a tool." ——Language, believe in the power of language, believe in logical language

No matter how right you think you are, don't use it as a reason to blame the other person. This is a set of interpersonal relationships that many people easily fall into.

behavioral goals

Hating work does not mean hating the work itself, but hating being criticized and criticized by others, being dismissed as incompetent or not suitable for the job, and having one's dignity hurt.

Many people think that the more friends the better, but is this really the case? The number of friends or acquaintances has no value. There are not many close friends.

Adlerian psychology is not a psychology of changing others, but a psychology of pursuing self-change. Don't wait for others to change, don't wait for the situation to change, but take the first step bravely yourself.

If the other person lives a happy life, then you can sincerely bless them. This is love.

If you are determined to end the relationship, then any behavior of the other party can become an excuse to end the relationship.

It is not anyone else who determines your lifestyle, but the fact that you are yourself.

“It’s not about what you’re given, but how you use what you’re given.”

If you have financial freedom, what worries will you still have?

A major premise of Adlerian psychology. Adlerian psychology denies seeking approval from others.

We “don’t live to meet other people’s expectations.”

If the main goal of work becomes "meeting other people's expectations," then work will become quite painful. Because then you will only care about other people's eyes and be afraid of other people's evaluation, and you will not be able to be your true self at all.

Don’t interfere in other people’s life issues

"Others don't live to meet your expectations." Even your own children don't live to meet your parents' expectations.

Losing your temper unreasonably in the face of your "boss" is not your problem.

The intricate knots, which are the "bonds" in interpersonal relationships, can no longer be untied by ordinary methods, and must be cut off with new methods.

To build good interpersonal relationships, you also need to maintain a certain distance. If the distance is too close and they stick together, you will not be able to have a direct conversation with the other party. It shouldn’t be too far away, just within reach but without stepping into the other person’s territory. It’s very important to maintain this moderate distance.

About returns

Separating projects is not self-centered. On the contrary, interfering with other people's projects is self-centered. Parents forcing their children to study or even give advice on their life plans or marriage partners are all self-centered ideas.

what is true freedom

When you change, you don't know what the other person will do and you can't control it. This is also the separation of subjects. Don't think about changing others by changing yourself. It is an extremely wrong idea to regard changing yourself as a means of manipulating others.

Adler believed that mind and body are one

The subject of separation is the starting point for human relationships.

Adlerian psychology believes that "all troubles originate from interpersonal relationships." The source of misfortune also lies in interpersonal relationships. On the other hand, the source of happiness also lies in interpersonal relationships.

People who are obsessed with the desire for recognition are also extremely self-centered people.

Not being afraid of being disliked but moving forward courageously, not following the crowd but forging ahead bravely, this is the freedom for people.

"Others don't live to meet your expectations."

Adlerian psychology believes that a sense of belonging cannot be obtained just by being there, it must be obtained by actively participating in the community.

For example, after retirement, you immediately lose your energy because you are separated from the company as a community, lose your title, lose your business card, become an ordinary person, become ordinary, cannot accept it, and then age quickly.

If a relationship can collapse because of your objection to something, then there is no need to enter into this relationship from the beginning, and it doesn't matter if you abandon it voluntarily. Living in fear of relationship breakdown is an unfree way of living for others.

Vertical relationship: A relationship between upper and lower levels, where one feels that the other party is lower than oneself or oneself is higher than the other party.

Praise cannot have the connotation of "higher or lower level" or condescension.

The feeling of inferiority is originally a consciousness arising from vertical relationships. As long as a horizontal relationship of "different but equal" can be established for everyone, there will be no inferiority complex at all.

Why do people interfere with others? It is because we regard interpersonal relationships as vertical relationships and regard the other party as lower than ourselves, so we interfere. I hope that through intervention, I can guide the other person in the direction I want. Maybe I had good intentions, but the result was interference.

When facing people in need, we can provide assistance that is not interference.

People are afraid of facing problems not because they are incapable. Adlerian psychology believes that this is not a problem of ability, but simply a "lack of courage" to face the problem head-on. If this is the case, the first step is to regain the courage to be frustrated.

Thank you, I'm very happy, it helped a lot, etc. are all encouragement methods based on horizontal relationships. The other party can find their own value and feel their contribution.

How can one acquire "courage"? Adler's insight is that people can only gain courage when they can feel that they are valuable. Because I feel useful!

Babies and bedridden old people also have their own value. Their very existence is a kind of value and spiritual power.

The role of existence can be highlighted even more in times of danger. So values ​​should not be measured by whether or not something is done.

On whether a sense of community can be achieved: "Someone has to start. Even if others don't cooperate, it doesn't matter to you. This is my opinion: You should start. You don't have to consider whether others cooperate." Even if your boss, parents

trouble for many people

There is a clear difference between self-affirmation and self-acceptance. Self-affirmation means saying "I can do it" or "I am strong" even though you clearly cannot do it. It can also be said to be an idea that can easily lead to a superiority complex and a way of life that lies to oneself. Self-acceptance means that if you can't do it, honestly accept this "you can't do it", and then try your best to work in the direction of what you can do without lying to yourself.

Credit has conditions attached

Trust has no attachments, unconditional belief

Where does the courage to overcome the fear of betrayal come from? -Self-acceptance!

But don't be a "good old guy". If you don't want to have a good relationship with someone, you can also use the scissors in your hand to cut off the relationship, because cutting off the relationship is your own task.

Contribution does not mean self-sacrifice. On the contrary, Adler called people who sacrificed their lives for others "overadapted people" and warned against this.

Behavioral goals:

Not all people in the world are good people, and many unpleasant things will happen in relationships. However, there must be no mistake here about the fact that in any case it is only the fault of "the person" who attacked me, and it is never the fault of "everyone".

Workaholics only focus on certain aspects of life. Maybe they will argue: "Because they are busy at work, they have no time to take care of their family." However, this is actually a lie in life. It’s just using work as an excuse to avoid other responsibilities. Originally, housework, childcare, making friends, or hobbies should all be taken care of.

For people, the greatest misfortune is not liking themselves

When the desire to be extraordinarily good does not come true—for example, when things are not going well in school or sports—it turns to the desire to be extraordinarily bad. Whether you want to be particularly good or want to be particularly bad, the purpose is the same - to attract the attention of others, to escape from the "ordinary" state, and to become a "special existence." This is their purpose.

Being ordinary does not mean being incompetent. There is no need for us to show off our superiority. Therefore, for your children and yourself, you must have the courage to be ordinary!

Please don’t understand life as a line, but as a succession of points.

Be prepared for the moment, and then there are various possibilities in the process of working hard

At this moment, it is something that can be changed according to one's own will.

Although I want to go to college, I don’t want to study. This is an attitude of not taking the “here and now” seriously.

life has no meaning

When you change, the world changes, and no one other than you will change the world for you.