"Emotional Blackmail"

"Emotional Blackmail"

In order to reduce this negative emotion, the blackmailed person complies with the other party's request, which in the long run forms a vicious cycle

Eventually, the blackmailed person's "self" is completely lost

There are indeed normal demands in relationships and in the workplace, not all of them are emotional blackmail.

The difference between normal and abnormal "requirements" is that

Purpose

Way

result

Purpose

Way

Example

Purpose

Way

When the needs of others and self conflict

The journey of an emotional blackmailer

Project your own uneasiness onto others, thinking that others are the cause

Ask the other person to do what you want, hoping to feel "everything is under control" in order to gain a sense of security

Shirking responsibility and forcefully rationalizing one's behavior

It’s hard to accept that “I didn’t do well”

their blind spots

To refuse my request is to refuse me

Others must do what I want

When you think that "rejecting others means you are a bad person", it will be difficult to refuse "unreasonable requests"

Performance

Example

Such a person is the perfect target for a blackmailer who is accustomed to passing the blame on others.

Putting other people's feelings before your own, eager to please others

Working hard just to gain recognition from others and losing the self-evaluation system

As a human being, you have needs and feelings, and you should be understood and respected, rather than being suppressed with "you should" dogma, so that only one person's voice can be heard when two people interact.

Solution: Improve your sense of self-worth

Nothing to do with "weakness", probably deep-seated fears, anxieties, and phobias

Care too much about other people's feelings, triggering "habitual guilt"

excessive self-blame

I think I don’t have the courage and stance to resist these

Afraid of conflict, always pay attention to the other person’s feelings

So I realized subconsciously: No one cares about my feelings, and no one pays attention to them.

Ignore our own feelings and ignore the harm this relationship has done to us

"Rationalization" may make you more resistant to stress, but it becomes increasingly difficult to feel "your own feelings"

Make the other person happy to reduce conflict

No love or joy, only fear

A range of emotions that cannot be violated by others

If there are no emotional boundaries, it is easy to regard other people's emotions as one's own, or one's own emotions as others', and it is difficult to distinguish whose responsibility the emotion is.

Emphasize: We must be responsible for our own emotions, not for other people’s emotions

Talk to yourself first

As long as I decide, this is the limit

Set emotional boundaries, not bottom lines

Feel your emotions well, this is the source of courage to protect yourself

when others are in need

I promise that I will protect myself well

Step one: Stop

Step 2: Look

Step 3: Should

My existence is where my value lies

Believe that "I don't always need to achieve something or prove anything to represent myself as valuable."

Even if I have shortcomings, it doesn't mean "I'm not good", it just means "I didn't do well". Completely accept myself.

Only with the affirmation of others can we have "self-affirmation"

Low sense of self-worth

cause more anxiety

to get rid of anxiety

Being swayed by external standards

ignore one's own wishes

For you, your emotions and feelings are not the most important, other people’s affirmation and love are the most important.

You did a great job, you worked hard

Even if you do nothing, I still think you are valuable

I love myself like this

Only I can define myself

Be gentle with yourself and encourage yourself

Reject the idea that you can only make progress by being tough on yourself

It’s not important to yourself, it’s important to follow the needs of others

Show your true self. When others see you like this, you will have a better chance of meeting someone who accepts and supports the "real you"

Required: Can’t be satisfied with what we already have and are too “complacent”. We must always reflect on ourselves and make continuous progress.

Eager to get rid of feelings of inferiority and inadequacy, and accustomed to using "comparison" as a standard

Thinking that you have made a mistake means you are not good

The fear of making mistakes makes people feel much better when they hide behind the mask of "perfectionism", which leads to them not daring to try many things.

You should separate things from yourself. Making mistakes or failing is not that I am bad, it is just that I am right.

Be educated

We go to great lengths to make ourselves feel better by sugarcoating the harm that authority has done to us

Our culture teaches us how to be submissive, but it doesn’t teach us how to “respect others” and “not let others hurt us disrespectfully.”

Practice valuing your own feelings - find yourself back and understand yourself again

method

vicious circle

Every progress we make from childhood to adulthood is not because of scolding and fear, but because of the willingness to change.

I am willing to accept every part of myself, learn to accept myself, stop evaluating and criticizing myself, and believe in myself

"Self-worth" is even an important basis for everyone's happiness and satisfaction in life.

Respect your own feelings and speak up for your rights, and you will have more courage. If you don't express yourself, others may not know your needs.

In addition to letting yourself be seen, let others see yourself and let others respect your boundaries.

Problem: I’m afraid to express myself and others will hate me if I express myself.

We are too accustomed to taking responsibility for other people's emotions and feelings, and too much hope that others can "feel better"

Four Emotional Coping Strategies

When we are sad or depressed, if we feel that it is because of something the other person did, then we give the other person the power to control our emotions.

So taking responsibility for your emotions is a very powerful statement

Learn to practice not denying your feelings and practice taking responsibility for your emotions