"Emotional Blackmail"

"Emotional Blackmail"

Require

resistance

exert pressure

threaten

yield

Restart

A makes a request, B objects, A pressures and threatens B, B finally gives in, the relationship returns to calm, and a blackmail pattern is formed.

Don’t treat every conflict or heated argument as emotional blackmail

The right to state your principles is to express your feelings honestly and set the limits of what you can tolerate.

How to deal with statement principles

Discuss each other’s points of conflict openly and honestly

Know your feelings and considerations

Find out why you don't agree to their request

Do not shirk one's own responsibility in causing conflicts

trying to control you

Ignore your protests

Insist that they are absolutely superior to you in character and motivations

Avoid the real problems between you

Easiest to identify, hardest to deal with

On the one hand, I am angry at the pressure exerted by the perpetrator, and on the other hand, I am angry at myself for being so fearless.

The impact of emotional blackmail gradually expands, and may gradually transform from blackmail to intimidation, and emotional blackmail to emotional abuse.

The perpetrator is blinded by strong self-needs and is blind to the feelings of others

Classification

By hurting yourself, you force the other party to compromise.

Hysteria and personality traits full of persecutory delusions can be said to be the basic characteristics of masochists

Extremely eager to rely on, often clinging to the people around them, and it is very troublesome to let them control your life

The abuser will treat all close partners as naive children, while the masochist will treat the other person as an adult and themselves as a child

The most extreme tactic a masochist can use is to suggest to others that they may commit suicide

Staying with such people doesn't mean you can save them.

It is not your responsibility to protect them. The emotional blackmail of masochists puts the emphasis on our sense of responsibility.

Tragic people don't threaten to harm anyone, they imply that if we don't do what we do, they will suffer and it's all your fault.

Tragic people often use great acting skills to make others aware of their suffering.

When things don't get what they want, they often appear frustrated, silent, or even have tears in their eyes, but they just don't tell the real reason.

If you can't tell, it's because you don't care about them; if you care about them, you'll know what they're suffering from without them asking.

The least noticeable one

Carrot and stick policy, using attractive rewards to get you to obey their orders

Reward is not necessarily material, it may also be spiritual love, recognition, and intimacy.

fear of being isolated

fear of anger

Conditioned reflex

Too much emphasis on and care about responsibilities

Whether you like it or not, it is your responsibility to respond to their requests

They constantly emphasize how much they have sacrificed, what they have done for us, and how we should repay them. They even use religious and social traditions to emphasize these arguments.

If the blackmailer has ever been kind to us, then this kind of kindness will always be mentioned like an unlimited loan.

Normal guilt is a consciousness tool, a necessary personality element that helps us avoid doing things that harm others

The blackmailer will try to inflict crimes to make us feel guilty and give in.

To blame has nothing to do with whether we actually hurt other people's feelings. The key is that we believe we have done something that hurt others.

Common method: shirking responsibility, no matter what happens, it is your fault

The blackmailer will harp on past mistakes to inspire feelings of guilt

Look at problems by dividing them into good guys and bad guys

Blackmailers pretend to be good people and vilify us as evil people

Technique

Put pressure on us by challenging our personality, motivations and values

Dichotomy achieves its goal by belittling us, which will cause our self-evaluation to begin to waver. The closer we are, the greater the harm.

Not following their demands makes us sick or crazy

Secrets, fears, and unspeakable things that were shared in the past are now readily available weapons.

The greater a family's problems, the more they thwart its members' efforts to recover.

Pathologizing behavior occurs in areas where we are most resistant, making us question our memory, judgment, intelligence, and personality. This approach is highly harmful.

When fighting alone doesn't work, call in foreign aid and suppress it in numbers.

People we care about and respect stand across from us, leaving us feeling lonely and defeated

Authoritative reinforcements, citing classics and representatives of a certain field to support themselves

Look at people

Comparing ourselves to another person fills us with anxiety and guilt

The association of frustration, the association of going from frustration to having nothing, makes the blackmailer afraid of facing setbacks

Sense of loss and dependence

Innate causes and acquired experiences

Crisis becomes a catalyst

They only think about their own needs and desires, the needs of the person being blackmailed, and the consequences, without considering them at all.

Violent reactions are not directed at the situation at hand, but rather because they are reminded of similar experiences in the past.

People who have experienced separation, divorce, etc., reduce the pain of conflict and reduce their sense of loss by belittling each other. However, blackmail also sends a contradictory message: "You are not good enough, but I am willing to do anything to keep you."

The emotional blackmailer's insults and childish behavior toward others will be rationalized by them as "it's all for your own good."

Use blackmail to prove that the other party still cares about you

People facing divorce use children as weapons

Excessive need for approval from others

Excessive fear of others being angry

Maintain peace at any cost

Tend to take too much responsibility for others

Frequently questioning yourself

One person plays two roles: the blackmailer and the victim

This happens when you are extremely afraid of other people's negative emotions and can't help but expand your imagination.

We think that if we make a request to others, they may object, shrink back, or get angry. We want to protect ourselves so much that as long as we think there is even a slight chance that others may reject us, we will not have the courage to speak up.

The oppression of an emotional blackmailer affects our self-judgment

Blackmailers will use their methods to make us ignore our inner principles and unable to see our true needs, forming a vicious cycle.

Rationalizing the blackmailer's demands and losing one's own self-integrity

Victims suppress unpleasant feelings, causing them to surface in repressed forms, such as depression, anxiety, overeating, headaches, and a series of physical and emotional manifestations

psychological performance

physiological manifestations

Appeasing emotional blackmailers or avoiding conflict at the expense of others we care about

Let the relationship no longer be safe and reliable

More stingy in giving out feelings

Sign a promise with yourself

put it where you like

Read it aloud to yourself every day

I can bear it

practise

Replace old ideas with new ideas

Change sentences that describe your past behavior to the opposite

Put your habitual behavior into the past tense and say, "I used to...but I won't do it now."

The first thing to do when dealing with emotional blackmail is “Don’t do anything”

Give yourself some time to think without stress.

keep things simple

leave some space

Visualization exercise

discover the nature of the situation

Irrelevant requests usually don't cause serious reactions, so the primary factor causing friction is likely to be the blackmailer's method of exerting pressure rather than the request itself.

First examine the request made by the other party, especially the way the request is presented.

Make conscious concessions

Conditionally agree

Agreeing to a request may not cause big trouble, but it may violate our standards of conduct, our sense of right and wrong, and even affect our self-esteem.

Money is not everything

Some questions may be about money or sex, but behind them they involve our self-integrity.

Check whether self-integrity is involved

When facing things like work, marriage, relationships, parental relationships, huge amounts of money, etc.

Vent first, analyze later

Strategic Behavior Guidance

Speak to the other person from their perspective

The least defensive thing to say is: You are absolutely right

Announce your decision in a non-defensive way

Infer the other person’s response

Coping with the most common reactions

Invite the other person to solve the problem together to redirect the conversation

Find common goals and shift conflicts

Find solutions through listening

guessing tool

break the ice

Action rather than talk

Stay alert at all times and supervise them to abide by their agreements when dealing with them

In a generally good relationship, humor can be an effective tool to help you express your feelings about the other person's behavior

fear of disapproval

fear of anger

fear of abandonment

Write down the beliefs that cause you stress

List what others expect of you, preceded by “why?”

The more resources you have, the more you can give. Learn to pay reasonably.

Recognize that it is the blackmailer’s opinion, not the facts, that causes us to feel guilty

How to return it to the sender, collect the evaluation the other party gave you, and throw it away in the way you like.

paradoxical therapy

Fight guilt with imagination

Fear fear

ObligationResponsibility

Guilt

If you don't do it, they threaten to make life difficult for you

If you don't comply, they threaten to cut you off.

If you don't do what they want, they may directly tell you or imply that they feel ignored, frustrated, or deeply hurt.

No matter how much you give, they always ask for more

They usually assume you will give in

Often ignore or belittle your feelings and needs

I made many promises to you, but I often break my promises

When you don't give in, they'll call you selfish, evil, greedy, heartless

When you promise to give in, they will say yes no matter what you say. If you never give in, they will immediately turn against you.

Use money as a tool to force you to give in