Quickly and decisively change the way you think, feel and behave

Counter your self-criticism

Psychobiofeedback

Take action and don’t feel sorry for yourself

First, you must understand that life is an ever-changing process

Your worth is not determined by how you feel, nor by what you think or do

If you are willing to work hard, these can all be changed

You have to know that they cannot prove that you are not good at all. There are no good-for-nothing people in the world.

How to build self-esteem

Three steps for depression

The problem: random labeling

The problem: No empathy

The problem: Believing that depressive behavior stems from “repressed anger”

The problem: Don’t care about rewards and punishments when you’re depressed

No mood, no energy

Unable to lift up my spirits, sad and discouraged, hopeless and helpless

Bedridden, avoiding work

Staying away from friends and lacking motivation

Anhedonia is a technical term that refers to the loss of the ability to experience satisfaction and pleasure

There are several thinking errors related to the fear of failure. The most common one is to generalize.

The second mindset that leads to fear of failure is to only look at the results and not the process when judging performance.

In your opinion, failure to succeed despite your efforts is a huge failure, so you dare not try anything.

Success seems more dangerous than failure because you think success is all about luck

Another reason may be that you are worried that others will demand more from you.

two column method

Please mark each activity with the letters M and P, estimate the level of enjoyment or difficulty of the task, and then mark it with a number between 0 and 5.

Why this simple activity planner might help

Each day, write down in the appropriate column one or more tasks that you have been putting off.

six column method

It’s best to break it down into a series of small steps, each of which can be completed in less than 15 minutes.

Predict the difficulty of each step and write it down in the next column using a value between 0 and 100%

The greater the difficulty, the greater the number

In the next column, write down the level of satisfaction you expect after completing the task.

The last two columns record the actual difficulty and actual degree of satisfaction.

Write down the thoughts that are bothering you on paper

This way you can reflect to identify cognitive distortions and come up with some useful solutions

Six column analysis

Think about activities that might help you improve your health or make you happy and content, and plan these activities for yourself over the course of a few weeks.

Then you can just go and do it. Finally, in the "Actual level of happiness" column, please write down the actual level of happiness for each activity

You may be surprised to find that the joy you get from doing things yourself may be far beyond your imagination

five column method

Refutation of the "but" method

Counterattack with new counter-arguments and keep going until there are no more excuses to make

The first step is to find out what self-deprecating thinking is.

Then, refute these thoughts and replace them with some more objective and more self-identifying thoughts.

double column method

TIC stands for Task-Interfering Cognition

TOC stands for Task-Oriented Cognition

If you only procrastinate on a specific task, write down your thoughts on that task

Use the double-column method, write down the TIC, and then replace the TIC with a more rational TOC. You will be much less disturbed.

Learn to break down a given task into discrete parts

"masturbation"

Replace "I should" with "I want"

Make a table of the advantages and disadvantages of procrastination

The more you feel others are forcing you to do something, the less you want to do it. This is a tragedy of human nature.

Convert other people's decisions into your own

The first step is to list all the benefits you can think of.

Before going to bed every night, you can visualize that you are in your favorite place. On a crisp autumn day, you are walking in the shade of the mountains; or you are lying on an uninhabited beach on the azure seaside, warmly embraced by the sun. your body

Visualize yourself still in that pleasant scenery. You have now achieved what you want to achieve.

Go over that list of benefits and repeat each one to yourself: "I'm healthier now, and I love it."

I started to respect myself

The solution was much simpler than he imagined

Buy a golf counter and press the counting button every day when you consciously complete something without being urged or motivated by others.

At the end of the day, write down the total. Do this every day.

One form of cognitive therapy that is extremely successful is to actually test your negative predictions.

Suppose you keep hinting that you can't concentrate and can't read any books. "

You can sit down with a copy of the day's newspaper, read a sentence first, and then see if you can summarize the main idea out loud.

You might also predict: "But if I had to read the entire paragraph, I wouldn't be able to read it, let alone understand it."

Verify this prediction again and read a paragraph to summarize the main idea.

The power of this method is overwhelming, and many severe chronic depressions have been cured in this way.

double column method

Where does the power come from?

Action must come first, motivation must come later

First: Action Second: Motivation Third: More Action

three column method

If someone criticizes or attacks you, he or she may be trying to help you, or he or she may be trying to hurt you.

Therefore, what your critic says may be right, wrong, or somewhere in between.

You have to ask the person a series of specific questions to understand his or her true intentions

Don’t jump to conclusions easily when asking questions, and don’t rush to defend yourself.

Instead, keep asking questions, be as detailed as possible, and find ways to see things from your critic’s perspective.

Regardless of whether what the critic is saying is right or wrong, find a way to acknowledge him or her from the beginning.

Sometimes the disagreement between you and your critics isn’t about facts, it’s about each person’s position

Explain your position and feelings in a tactful yet firm way, while also exploring any perceived differences between the parties

You first admit that you may be wrong, and then express your opinion objectively

If you can negotiate with your critics, you have many options

If he continues to accuse you and dwells on one point endlessly, you should politely insist on repeating your answer until the other person runs out of energy.

In many cases, it may indeed be you who are wrong and the critics who are right

When faced with this situation, if you can admit your mistake, thank the other person for criticizing you, and apologize for any harm he (or she) may have caused, the critic is likely to admire you greatly.

Immediately thank the heckler for the question

It’s important to acknowledge the issues raised by the other person

Emphasize that you need to know more to be able to answer the question, and then encourage the critic to conduct in-depth research and investigation on the issue.

Finally, I invite the questioner to join me after the presentation to further explore his or her perspective

As with depression, many of your perceptions are distorted and one-sided, or even wildly wrong.

Like all emotions, anger stems from cognitive

You must first understand what happened and then explain it using your own thinking

Your feelings come from how you understand things, not the things themselves

Tags indiscriminately

Mind reading

enlarge

Wrong "should" and "shouldn't" sentences

Did the person I was angry with hurt me intentionally? Did he (or she) have to hurt me?

Is it useful for me to be angry? Will it help me achieve my desired goals? Or will it just defeat me?

Make a double-column list of the pros and cons of getting angry and retaliating. Be sure to consider the short-term and long-term consequences of getting angry.

Use the double column method

negative thinking journal

There is a great way to use your imagination to transform them into images that make you less angry.

The second way is to stop angry thoughts

Sometimes your frustrations may be self-inflicted because you set unrealistic rules for your relationships, so you always end up disappointed.

If your “should” or “shouldn’t” rules are frustrating you over and over again, rewrite them in a more realistic way.

The first step to success is to replace the word "should" with "it would be better if..."

What are the expected effects of these changes?

Just change her expectations and her frustrations will be greatly reduced.

However, you can at least try this optimistic reward system

Learn to focus on the positive aspects of others instead of dwelling on their shortcomings

Many of the thoughts that make you angry are filled with didactic "should"s, so you'll need to learn how to eliminate them.

One way to do this is to use the two-column method and list all the reasons why you think the other person “shouldn’t” let you down.

Then, question those reasons and find out how ridiculous and unrealistic they are

When you stop wasting energy sulking, you can find ways to achieve your goals

The following negotiation points may be useful in this situation:

Empathy is the ultimate nemesis of anger

Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s exact thoughts and motivations so that the other person has to say, “Yes, that’s exactly what I thought.”

Remember, it’s not what other people do that actually makes you angry, it’s what you think

The amazing thing about empathy is that once you understand someone else’s intentions, it automatically counters the thoughts that make you angry

Start by making a list of the things that irritate you the most and then create an “anger scale” from lowest to highest

Starting with the first item on the list (the one with the lowest level of anger), imagine yourself in the situation as vividly as possible

Admit that a mistake has occurred

Develop a strategy for correcting mistakes

six column method

The root cause of loss of control is "should" sentences, which can make you discouraged

Ask yourself: "Who says I should? What rule says I should?"

Use the two-column method to replace "should" with other words

Use golf counter

The principle is to increase your trust in yourself

coercive control

Know the limits of your knowledge

Asking back: "Why should I?"

A great weakness of people who are prone to guilt is that others can use their guilt to manipulate them

This is one of the most amazing and effective methods in the book

This method is tantamount to a panacea when others (usually your loved ones) cry, complain, and nag, making you feel helpless, guilty, and helpless.

Methods as below

The reason why people complain all the time is usually because they are restless and insecure.

If you try to help them, they will feel like you are criticizing them because your advice means they are not handling the situation properly.

On the contrary, if you agree with them and appreciate them, it will be like injecting a "stimulant" into them, so they will often feel relieved and calm down.

Agree with what your friend is saying, and then distract your friend by finding some positive aspects in their complaint and focusing on those aspects.

Among the cognitive distortions that lead to guilt, the most common is blaming oneself.

Division of responsibilities

Physiological-like symptoms include agitation (an increase in neurotic movements, such as pacing around and frantically wringing fingers) or apathy (a numbness, not caring about anything, and feeling like a ton of bricks) ,, don’t want to do anything)

In addition, you may also have a changing pattern of "heavy in the morning and light in the evening".

If a congenital abnormality makes some people more susceptible to depression, it could manifest as a chemical imbalance in the body

The surface layer of the brain above the hindbrain is called the "occipital cortex", which is responsible for visual functions

There is a small area on the surface of the left hemisphere called "Broca's area", which is responsible for language function.

There is also a very important part of the brain - the "limbic system", which is responsible for controlling emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear or anger.

Chemically speaking, many of them fall into the category of “biogenic amines” because they are derived from amino acids in the foods we eat.

These amine transmitters are the brain’s biochemical messengers

There are three amine transmitters in the limbic (emotional) area of ​​the brain: serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine.

Theoretically, these three amine transmitters play a certain role in a variety of mental illnesses.

Since these chemical messengers can be called "biogenic amines," the theory that they are related to depression or mania can also be called the "biogenic amine theory."

Depression may be caused by a lack of one or more of these biogenic amine transmitters in the brain.

Mania (a state of excessive euphoria or excitement) is caused by an overdose of one or more of these transmitters

Some researchers believe that serotonin has the greatest impact on depression and mania

Some other researchers believe that abnormalities in norepinephrine or dopamine may also have a certain impact.

One is due to insufficient serotonin, which can cause depression

The other is due to excess serotonin, which can trigger mania

Because drugmakers know the three-dimensional shapes of natural transmitters such as serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, they can create new drugs with strikingly similar shapes

These drugs match the shape of the receptors on the nerve surface, so they mimic the effects of natural transmitters.

The brain doesn't know the key in the lock is antidepressants

Don't rush to defend yourself so as not to make Hank more trouble.

Find out the truth in his accusations and agree with him

Point out what you think you disagree with in a straightforward yet tactful way, and be careful not to argue.

I reiterate that although there are some differences of opinion between you, cooperation between the two parties is still very important.

Confidence is a belief that makes you believe that you will achieve considerable results in your relationships and career

Self-esteem is the ability to have as much self-love and happiness as possible no matter when, whether you succeed or not.

Write down negative subconscious thoughts in the left column

Write an objective and rational response in the right column

External approval must first be confirmed by you before it can boost your mood

This validation represents your personal self-identity

self-defeating hypothesis

Conduct cost-benefit analysis

Make a list of all the pros and cons of this attitude, and then you can take smart steps to create a healthier value system

Rewrite any of the 35 attitudes in the Dysfunctional Attitudes Questionnaire. They are psychological weaknesses and revise your thoughts.

Write an article titled “Why is there no need to fear opposition and criticism? Why is this fear absurd?" short article, which may be helpful to you

This short article can help you achieve self-reliance and autonomy

Here are some methods

If you are afraid of others criticizing you, can you personally ask the person criticizing you if he (or she) really looks down on you?

Aside from physical injury or property damage, there is nothing more painful than being rejected.

3 types of rejection

First of all, you must understand that life still has to go on, and this disappointment will not affect your happiness forever.

If these objections or criticisms are overwhelming you, it means your ideas are hurting you emotionally.

However, if you can refute these thoughts and never give in to these twisted thoughts of self-blame, then the trouble will disappear

You can also use this "grief" method if you've been rejected or criticized

Use the Golf Counter to focus on something positive you have done each day, something you could have done well even without external rewards.

date

type of activity

The person who accompanies you to complete the activity

Estimated level of happiness

actual happiness

Needs and needs are two different things

I repeat: for adults, love is not a necessity

It’s normal for you to want someone to love you. There’s nothing wrong with that. Of course it’s a pleasure to hold hands with your lover.

However, if no one recognizes you, loves you or cares about you, it does not mean that you cannot live, nor does it mean that you cannot obtain maximum happiness.

When people are alone, they can see clearly into their own hearts and understand what they know, think, and feel.

People can try all kinds of new things when they are alone, without being constrained by roommates, lovers, etc.

Being alone forces you to use your strengths

You have to take responsibility for yourself when you're alone because you can't find any excuses

As a woman, it is better to be alone than to find an unsuitable man.

As a woman, being alone can make you more independent without having to become a dependency of a man.

As a woman, being alone allows me to better understand the issues women face in different situations.

As a woman, after being alone for a while, she will know that when she has a man in the future, she does not have to worry about him leaving or dying.

In some aspects such as intelligence, influence, status, etc.

Then I can ask you: "But does this prove that you are better than me and have higher value than me?" This kind of question cannot be answered.

My question gets to the heart of any value system that distinguishes people as superior or inferior.

There is no such thing as personal value in the world

It doesn't matter whether you get it or not, and you can't measure it.

When you are still an infant, you may not have accomplished much, but you are still precious and valuable.

When you are old or sick, when you rest or sleep, when you do nothing, you still have "value"

Your "unit of value" is immeasurable, it never changes, and everyone's "unit of value" is the same

Self-esteem is a state. When you no longer criticize and insult yourself arbitrarily, but choose to refute those negative subconscious thoughts with meaningful and rational responses, you have self-esteem.

If you can refute effectively, you will naturally become happy and gain a sense of self-identity.

All in all, you don’t need to figure out how to make the river flow, you just don’t build a dam to stop it

The first effective way is to refute those negative distorted thoughts that make you feel inferior. Keep practicing and form a habit.

This way, you can realize that the problem isn't your actual success or failure, but your mean attitude in devaluing yourself

If you can learn to objectively evaluate what you do, your sense of satisfaction and self-identity will increase.

Most of the satisfaction in life has nothing to do with success

Diligence and serious work will bring great satisfaction and happiness to people

To feel satisfied, to gain self-esteem and inner peace, you don’t need to work hard to win the love or respect of others, nor do you need to be a superior person.

To test this idea, you can use the "Anti-Perfectionism Chart"

You can still be happy if you do something on time and even if it’s not perfect

There are two options

You need to resist this habit of pursuing perfection. Never give in, but you can think about the problems that make you anxious and afraid.

No matter how nervous you are, you must persist and never give in

reaction prevention method

The reason why you adopt a harsh and tense attitude towards life is rooted in implicit assumptions

To find these assumptions, you can use the vertical arrow method introduced in Chapter 10

This means that when you judge things, the standard you use should be the process rather than the result.

You need to set a strict time limit for all activities, just one week

You can use a golf counter. As long as you do one correct thing every day, click the counter

This method is based on a principle. The reason why most of us demand perfection is to be better than others.

But have you ever thought that if you lower your standards, you might be more successful?

Do you agree? Okay, now tell me: what are you

Additionally, you can ask yourself: “What can I learn from my mistakes?

When faced with extreme pressures such as illness, the death of a loved one, or a plummeting business,

Sometimes, depression occurs but it is difficult to find the external cause of it

Depression occurs but it is difficult to find the external cause of it. Its symptoms seem to occur completely for no reason.

First, although her illness reduced her contribution, she still did a lot for herself and her family

Second, she understands that her personal value is a stable constant. This number is a given and has nothing to do with her contribution.

Negative thoughts (self-criticism)

Rational response (self-defense)

This is responsible behavior

Attitude determines success

It usually only takes about 12 weeks for patients with mild depression to experience symptom relief.

You can clearly understand why you are moody and how to regulate abnormal emotions

You’ll also learn about the origins of such strong emotions, how to differentiate between “normal” and “abnormal” emotions, and how to diagnose and assess the severity of such irritable emotions.

You will learn a safe and effective way to deal with it, so that whenever you feel upset, you can quickly adjust your mood.

I will guide you to develop a simple, practical and effective progressive self-help plan

To truly and effectively prevent future mood swings, you need to examine some of your basic values ​​and attitudes

Here's the key to whether you're going to suffer from deep, painful depression

Some personal value assumptions are too misleading. Next, I will tell you how to question and re-evaluate them.

Cognition is the way you look at things, that is, your perceptual knowledge, mentality and beliefs

It includes the way you understand things—what you say to yourself when you encounter something or someone

In short, thinking determines emotion

Not only do you look at yourself with a gloomy and depressing eye, but you also look at the entire world with this eye.

Worse yet, you'll begin to believe that reality is just as terrible as you imagined

Our research shows that negative thoughts that lead to mood swings almost always contain significant distortions

Although this kind of thinking seems reliable, it is irrational and even wrong.

This distorted thinking is the main source of your pain

Also known as "mild chronic depression"

All it means is: "This person is almost always terribly gloomy and full of negative thoughts."

Some depressed patients with total scores in the mild range are actually the most difficult to treat

Patients often cannot get rid of mild depression for several years or even most of their lives.

You see things in black and white categories, and if your performance is less than perfect, you see yourself as a complete failure.

You see an isolated negative event as a pattern of failure that will continue forever

You choose a negative detail and think about it over and over again

You refuse to acknowledge positive experiences and you find one reason or another to think that they "don't count"

reverse alchemy

A common example is the way we respond to compliments

You will interpret things negatively even if there are no definite facts to convincingly support your conclusion

Mind reading

prophetic error

You exaggerate the importance of things (such as things you messed up or someone else's achievements), or you exaggerate the importance of small things inappropriately until they seem small (your own good qualities or someone else's shortcomings).

You assume that your negative emotions must reflect the true state of affairs: "I feel this way, so it must be true."

A common consequence of emotional reasoning is procrastination

You try to motivate yourself with shoulds or shouldn'ts, as if you should be whipped or punished before you are expected to do something

"Must" and "should" are also culprits

The result of this emotion is a feeling of guilt

Labeling is an extreme form of overgeneralization

Labeling yourself means using mistakes to build a completely negative self-image

It is an extreme form of generalization

You will see yourself as the cause of many negative events in the outside world, when in fact you are not primarily responsible for them

Placing blame on yourself can make you feel extremely guilty