Anxiety is undoubtedly hereditary. If a person has a first-degree relative with an anxiety disorder, such as Jim’s parents If one of the parties has this disorder, that person's risk of developing an anxiety disorder will increase by 3 to 5 times.

Second, anxiety is not an objective condition and we cannot see it under a microscope by looking at blood samples from anxious patients anxiety. Diagnoses of anxiety are based on self-report.

The final piece of the puzzle is genes and experience, temperament drives our daily choices, but we like to stay home and read Do books reflect a specific genetic combination, or have we become accustomed to reading over time? In short, It’s clear whether anxiety is inherited, but how it is inherited is less clear.

Social fear costs us a heavy price: it is difficult for us to reach out to others, get close to others, and spend time together Good times. It is difficult for us to express our needs to others, for fear that others will think that we are snobbish, cold, and unwilling. Friendly, actually we were just nervous. Worst of all, fear makes us feel depressed and isolated, and of course, it It also prevents us from living our true selves.

We feel like everyone can see our inner embarrassments, shortcomings, or flaws. People with social anxiety not only worry about When you are being judged, you worry more about whether the judge is right. We think there is something wrong with us and run away to cover it up avoid problems. We feel that if we are exposed, we will be rejected, humiliated, and exposed.

4 types of “exposures” that socially anxious people fear

Social anxiety brings about behavioral inhibition, which makes us think twice before we act, keeping us out of danger, and if pruned appropriately, behavioral inhibition can help us stay safe.

The first is group harmony

The second is personal security

A small amount of social anxiety makes us better partners, making us more aware, considerate, and aware.

Not only does the amygdala in the brain sound the alarm for imminent threats of physical harm, but if you replace the growling dog with a growling stranger, the alarm will go off just as loudly. For those of us prone to social anxiety, there’s no need to yell, just a stranger.

The team created a series of slides of different faces that appeared on the screen one after the other. Adult Jennifer and others watched one stranger's face flash through the scanner. Then some faces start to reappear, perhaps two, three or more times, until eventually they are no longer unfamiliar. There was no difference in the brains of the behaviorally inhibited and non-inhibited groups when they saw the faces that appeared multiple times. When a completely new face suddenly appeared on the screen, the amygdala of the non-inhibited group remained calm, while the amygdala of the behaviorally inhibited group lit up like headlights. For people with behavioral inhibitions, a stranger, whether it's the pink puzzle they saw as a child or a picture in an MRI scanner, is equally threatening.

For those of us with social anxiety, the prefrontal cortex is not as good at turning off the alarm as it is for those without anxiety. First our brains take longer. Let’s say your friend doesn’t text you back. In the brain of a non-anxious person, as soon as the amygdala screams "she hates me," the prefrontal cortex calmly points out that the other person is probably just busy and will get back to you soon. The brains of people with social anxiety can also do this, but it takes longer, about 3 seconds longer, but these times add up to a significant difference in how we interpret the world and other people's intentions. Additionally, the prefrontal cortex is activated by socially anxious brains and is less responsive than non-anxious brains. Indeed, the prefrontal cortex of someone with social anxiety will never reach the level of reaction speed and magnitude of someone without anxiety. When the amygdala sounds the alarm, the non-anxious brain immediately sends a "fire truck" to the scene, while the socially anxious brain sends a person on a bicycle with a bucket of water to put out the fire. I want to change my website if I don’t agree with you

The inner judge attacks us with critical labels and embarrassing predictions, and "fight or flight" is our response to all attacks, whether they come from others or from our own minds.

The irony is that the inner judge thinks this is beneficial and it tries to keep us safe in this harsh way

But at the same time, the inner judge expects us to do our best. Just like parents think that their children are the most special and destined to rule the world, your inner judge also expects you to do great things and only have the best performance.

What we really fear is being exposed. Ultimately, social anxiety is a fear that whatever we try to hide will be exposed and discovered by everyone, like a wig blowing away in a gust of wind. We “think” there’s something wrong with us, so we try to hide it.

When involved in social anxiety, negative content has a greater impact than positive content. It makes sense: being prepared for the good is not the key to survival, but anticipating the bad is. We pay more attention to threats because if we don't pay attention, we will suffer heavy losses. But unfortunately, this means we enter situations like the reception desk, crowded room, or negotiation room with a sense of unease.

Our inner judge whispers in our head that things are going to be bad and everyone will see it. We need to do well, but we don’t have the ability to do well. We have to find a way to hide or be exposed. No matter what your fear is, it all boils down to one thing: I’m not good enough. And everyone will see it.

The Inner Judge underestimates you. The Inner Judge looks for and finds those imperfections: awkward silences in a conversation, answers that don’t quite feel right, someone laughing at a joke that’s not right at all… and then it loops around ad infinitum.

This focus on imperfection allows social anxiety to persist for years or even decades even though nothing terrible is happening and even though everything is fine sometimes. It’s a vicious cycle: by focusing on what we think is wrong, concluding, as Loren puts it, “I’m not very good at this,” which only triggers fear again the next time

This judgment doesn’t just happen after the fact. Inner judgment also kicks in before social interaction and is especially active during the preparation phase.

To alleviate our fears, we often rehearse the upcoming situation in our minds, trying to find all possible answers

The level of anxiety should match the difficulty of the task you will face. Anxious about presenting in front of thousands of people? Definitely. Having the same anxiety before taking a new Pilates class? That's a mismatch.

The mantra for overcoming anxiety is "point, point, point." Why? Anxiety is often vague: Everyone is going to think I'm weird! Something bad is going to happen! People are going to judge me! I'm going to do something stupid! Anxiety makes a great astrologer. It's vague enough that we can read anything into its predictions.

Watch out for these red flags of imprecise descriptions: “Always,” “Never,” “Everyone,” “Nobody”

Please be specific. What's the worst that could happen? The stupid thing I predict I'll do What exactly? Who specifically do I expect to be judging me?

Some people may temporarily think of us as "weird," "unattractive," or "stupid." But this is really How bad is it? How bad is it to be judged by others? Can we cope with it? Can we properly recognize the impact this situation has on ourselves? own influence.

How likely are these bad things to happen? What are the chances of getting fired for making a mistake during a presentation? Because Sweat it out, what are the chances that everyone will think you're an anxious freak? One failed date will doom you What are the chances of being alone forever?

Sometimes this ability to predict social disasters is useful: at amateur night, you see a bunch of drunk people With Rotten Tomatoes in hand, I decided to wait for another day to show off my personal dance. But more often than not, we foresee the little things What Qing calls “major consequences”

To sum up, when your inner judgment brings anxiety to a climax, you first need to ask: "What is the worst outcome?" What is it?" Answer as accurately as possible, remembering to "point, point, point." Then ask: "Facts How bad is it?” “What is the probability that the worst-case scenario will happen?” “How should I respond?”

If the "replacement" method refers to arguing with our inner judgments and changing our scary thoughts and fears, then the "embrace" method is to create a supportive environment in which we can try to do difficult things. Instead of challenging these thoughts head-on, we acknowledge their existence while giving ourselves a warm, supportive hug.

Use self-compassion techniques

Start by replacing ideas that challenge you: When I _____(feel anxious about social situations), Clearly, I ______ (problem pointed out by my inner judge) Now consider the consequences you fear and ask yourself: How bad would that really be? Is this really an unprecedented disaster? Really? If you've convinced yourself that there won't be a serious disaster, just ask: How should I respond? If you are not convinced, then ask: What is the probability? What is more realistic? What is more likely to happen? Finally, ask How should I respond?

Next, use hugs to give yourself some compassion. Talk to yourself as you would a good friend, giving yourself comfort, encouragement, and support. Acknowledge your efforts and acknowledge your fears. Even if you're really uncomfortable, no one will notice. When you're talking to yourself, wrap your arms around yourself as if you're really supporting yourself. Give yourself a pat on the shoulder or a gentle pinch. If your words sound a little harsh to your ears, forgive yourself and try again.

"The only way to do that is to approach strangers when you're uncomfortable" You must It takes many uncomfortable experiences to finally gain comfort

When you feel uncomfortable, you are ready. Start taking action and your confidence will catch up

Your anxiety can't be trusted, so don't ask for feedback on it and look at what you've done

Structure plays an important role in social situations. Changing an unstructured environment where roles and rules are unclear to a structured environment where roles and goals are clear can also have a huge impact on the performance of those prone to social anxiety.

Suppose you are at a party and you have five minutes to learn as much as possible about each other.

You can create structure by assigning tasks to yourself. At social events, you can introduce yourself to everyone; at company holiday parties, you can chat with your boss and close colleagues. Or, like the women in the study above, challenge yourself to learn as much as you can about a new stranger in 5 minutes.

The difference between the structures that lead you to your ultimate role—yourself—and the structures that prevent you from being yourself is whether the role comes from within you, not someone else. It can’t come from your impossible-to-please mother, your boss, your current crush, American society, or anyone else.

Most people prefer others to take the initiative to chat with them. If you take the initiative, they will be very grateful to you. To make others feel more comfortable, assign yourself the task of finding an unaccompanied person at an event and saying hello. He'll thank you for it, and more importantly, you'll leave feeling happier and stronger.

Taking the initiative to say hello to a stranger can not only brighten their day, but also bring rewards to yourself. To create some structure, "find something interesting about the person and tell them something about yourself. The goal is to try to get to know the person next to you this morning."

Set yourself a task to say "good morning" or chat about the weather, even if the conversation ends there. Of course, the conversation may also continue, and you have a pleasant conversation with a stranger, which can boost your mood and energize you for a productive day of work.

The only thing to note is: don't pick a structure that you can use to hide from. Helping with the dishes after a party is an act of kindness, but if you're stuck in the kitchen while everyone else drinks coffee and chats on the porch, your "architecture" is being neglected.

Have the strongest learning ability and be able to deeply master certain knowledge by teaching others. They are gospel to those around them, speaking of the scarcest talents in a rapidly changing society and accumulating competitive workplaces.

As a learning facilitator, the most important thing in on-site learning is to actively create information. Focus on asking questions and give most of the time to learners so that they can There is time to create information and discuss expressions. Valuable notes should be your own information created with a high degree of personal relevance.